The Art of Letting Go | Psychology Today
The Art of Letting It Go
Stop taking your job so seriously and instead live a life you love.
Posted May 7, 2024 by NIR BASHAN | Reviewed by Michelle Quirk
KEY POINTS
Letting it go at work is something we can learn how to do.
We put too much emphasis on work and not enough on things that really matter.
When we practice letting it go, our lives improve not only at work but also outside work.
Burnout is at an all-time high in corporate America, and it can even make us sick.1 It seems like everywhere we look, there are people constantly burned out from their jobs. Overloaded from too many back-to-back meetings. Disconnected from the day-to-day meaning of their jobs. Most studies find that this is because of poor management or undefined work streams or other external factors.2 But many studies ignore other factors that may be the cause of burnout such as feeling overwhelmed and stressed out about things at work that we cannot control.
But there is always one thing that is fully in our control, and that is the way we choose to react.
Getting burned out is a choice we make at work, believe it or not—and that choice is ours alone to make. When looked at creatively, the art of letting it go can certainly help with the following three tools borrowed from maintaining a creator mindset. Because when we view burnout at work creatively, the following three tools can lead to not only a happier everyday experience at work but also to living a better life that you love.
1. Practice Letting It Go
What if I told you that you may be taking your job too seriously? That it is just a job and that there are other things going on in your life that may need the same amount of attention you are wasting on your job at this very moment. What would you say?
We need to begin to let go as a practice, not just as a statement. To begin to practice letting it go, make a list of the two or three most stressful elements of your job. Your list may look like this:
Pressure to perform
Stress of having poor leadership or a bad boss
This list is just a sample of what the two or three main stressors may be, but just writing it down is a great start to letting things go. Now look at each thing you wrote down on your list one by one and ask yourself the following two questions: Where is this stress coming from, and what would happen if you just let it go? So now your list may look like this:
Pressure to perform
A. Where is this stress coming from? Mostly from me.
B. What would happen if I let it go? Nothing would happen, or very little would happen, as I doubt my boss even knows that I put this stress on myself.
When we write things down, we are able to process them in a different way then just thinking.3 Let’s continue with the second item on the list:
Stress of having poor leadership or a bad boss
A. Where is this stress coming from? My boss is a bad boss and I learn so very little from him / her.
B. What would happen if I let it go? Relief—I would just get less guidance and career development.
In the item above, asking where the stress is coming from will help us identify the source of the stress and, most of the time, when the source is not us, there is not a lot we can do about it anyway. So the follow-up asking what would happen if you let it go is that you would feel relief from the stress and, worst case, maybe a lack of career guidance. But I argue that having a bad boss in the first place can be a blessing in disguise.
If you write down a list every time you feel burnt out at work, the practice of letting it go becomes real and tangible—not just some motto or statement. It is a tool that really works, so try it next time you are faced with a looming burnout.
2. The 15-Minute Rule and You
Instead of being fast and furious at work to respond to emails, texts, and chats, take a 15-minute break before responding. Do this every time you are feeling stressed or overwhelmed. The chances are high that the immediate communication does not need to go out that very second. And that phone call does not need to be immediately returned.
In the 15 minutes that you take before reacting, you can take some time to collect your thoughts. Try “delayed send” or other tools in your inbox that give you time before you react. It may be the best time you have ever spent. Because, often, your first reaction to something may be just plain wrong.
In this brief interlude, detach from the madness of our modern workplace culture that holds urgency above everything—as if doing something fast equates to it being better. Spoiler alert: It does not.4 Take those 15 minutes to breathe and recalibrate. It is truly “me time.”
In essence, this 15-minute pause becomes a ritual of self-care—a small yet profound act of kindness toward yourself. And we need a whole lot more of self-kindness. It's a reminder that your well-being and peace of mind are paramount, even in the hustle and bustle of your job. And it helps you to let it go.
3. Look Into the Future
What may seem like a big deal this very minute may not seem like such a big deal in a year. Yet, in our day-to-day work, we proceed with blinders on—every nerve aware of the latest email or the latest perceived slight of the meeting we didn’t get invited to. Or the person who didn’t message us about this or that project.
But ask yourself this question when faced with these powerful emotions: Will any of this matter a year from now? A week from now? A day from now?
More than likely the answer is no. So, let's practice letting it go.
The things that we think are huge in the moment may just turn out to be nothing when viewed over the long haul. And that view is critical to enabling us to inhabit a world where we choose to let it go.
Ask yourself each time, will this matter in a year or a month or a few days? The answer that you will uncover will be a relief, as more often than not, the stressor is not a long-term issue but merely a fleeting irritation. It's a paradox of perception—the closer we zoom in on the details, the more distorted our view becomes, obscuring the broader landscape of our journey. And not being able to zoom out often clouds our vision—and makes things a bigger deal than they need to be.
The truth is that most of us take our jobs far too seriously, and, at the end of the day, what do we get? Recognition? Maybe. A paycheck? OK. A path for promotion? Again, maybe.
We are routinely putting too much stock in our jobs. We are trying to extract too much meaning from our workplace. And when we put that much pressure on ourselves to pull that much out of our jobs, we are bound to be disappointed.
If you were to die tomorrow, the job you have would be filled by someone else in short order. Yeah, I know it's morbid, but think of it this way. But your friends and family do not have that luxury to replace you. Do not ignore the most important relationships you make—and hint, hint—it’s not at work—to foster what really matters in life. Stop taking your job so seriously and instead live a life you love.